The Present Condition of the Native Teacher
The Present Condition of the Foreign Teacher’s Official Trap
The second semester of my year teaching English in South Korea public schools began with all of the Native teachers reassigned to new ‘home’ schools. My new home school is an elementary school located in the small farm village called Eomda. This school pays my salary, funneled from the Hampyeong County Board of Education. “Home’ is a supreme misnomer.
Recently I accompanied my friend Hwaseong Kim to a Zen temple in the mountains near my village of Hampyeong for a remembrance ceremony commemorating a particularly genocidal act in the Korean War.
A well dressed gentleman walks up to me and begins speaking English. He lives in Seoul. I asked him if he traveled from Seoul just to come to this ceremony. He said no, he grew up in Eomda and he was visiting family.
“Oh, I teach in the elementary school in Eomda.” I replied.
“There are a lot of impotent men in Eomda.” He said.
“Oh! Really?” Is it because of the spray the farmers use on the rice and cabbage fields?” I asked him.
“Yes, many poets, writers and great thinkers. Very impotent men.”
After he mentioned the ‘great thinkers’, my brain added an ‘r’ after the “o” in impotent.
The only person who speaks fluent English at the elementary school is a beautiful soul, Maintenance Man. My three English class co-teachers don’t speak English, except what they learn in the elementary book: “Hello, how are you? My name is Minsu; Today is Monday…” This is a Confucian society which means men rule and people are not called by their name, rather their job. This hierarchy is built into the language, which is why I am not endeavoring to speak it. So Maintenance Man is low man on the hierarchical ladder of Eomda. And I am pretty much the dirt on his shoes.
Eomda elementary is taking the responsibility of paying my salary very seriously. The Vice Principle-who never, ever smiles and who although I think he thinks he is very important my guess is that he is impotent-handed me a loose leaf notebook with the title: “The Present Condition of the Foreign Teacher’s Official Trap.”
I passed this title around to the other native teachers to get their take. One created a whole story about me being chained in the basement-which by the way is not far from how I feel when I visit there. The whole vibe is toleration.
On Monday and Tuesday’s I signed up to teach online classes beginning at 3:00P.M to children on an island called Goeheung. Now, for Korean Teachers the Principle is the King of their principality. No employee of that school makes a move without first asking permission from the King. However, the King doesn’t even know that I exist. Maintenance Man and my three co-teachers and the children barely notice me when I teach class. To them I am a trained monkey.
Considering that my duties at Emoda are complete by 11:00A.M., the first Monday of my online classes I scooter to my apartment and conduct the class from my laptop. I had Maintence Man ask the King for permission to leave school. The King gave me 
approval.
The following Monday as I am leaving the school one of my co-teachers rushes up to me waving a piece of paper in her hands: She stands in front of me and reads: “ The Supervisor tells me that you must stay in the English lab until 5:00!”, she rails, pointing her finger at me. The Supervisor supervises all of the Kings in the schools. Hence, she possesses much more authority than the King of tiny Emoda elementary. It appears that I do exist at Eomda and my co-teachers don’t like me leaving school. This co-teacher tattled tailed me to the Supervisor.
When her finger stopped moving I nodded in agreement and promptly left the school to do my class.
I told my friend MKJung of my official trap situation. Her response: “Oh, it sounds like they treat you like a dog!” Mind you, they eat dogs here.
Another native teacher responded saying that I was an adult that I could take care of my own trips. Only then did I realize what the book was about! I was to take this book with me to the other schools in which I teach in Hampyeong County and have their Vice Principal sign it. The days that I am not at my home school I receive a travel stipend, hence “The Present Condition of the Foreign Teacher’s Official TRIP.”
After two weeks of diplomatic dancing with those in higher standing than the supervisor as well as pretending that I was just a dumb dog all is well. I am unchained and there is no fear of being served as lunch.
Meanwhile, Pamela, another Native teacher replied to my email: “I think that other Native teachers purposefully mistranslated words. For instance, there is a sign in my school that reads: “Absurdity Zone Center”.
In the moments when I feel chained, trapped and impotent during my sojourn here in South Korea I remember that I’ve entered into the Absurdity Zone Center.
I laugh out loud and remember….that this too shall pass.
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